


Hazardous

by Cartyde



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Multi, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, POV Alternating, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:00:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29476620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartyde/pseuds/Cartyde
Summary: Eric's mom was tired of his bullshit so she sent him to a hospital that will change him, make him hate violence, and make him a better person. Nobody else knows about her ideas, and it takes two years, but it finally works, he gets to go back to south park, and accept the fact he's a homosexual, and he doesn't know how to feel about that.
Relationships: Eric Cartman/Craig Tucker, Eric Cartman/Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Stan Marsh/Craig Tucker, Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this a poly fanfic, which means multiple people in a relationship, I've been working on this and it's going to be quite a few chapters so try reading it. This is also based off clockwork orange for the whole hospital thing. Anyways, hope you enjoy <3

White plain and gaslight noise admitted from the room Eric has been confined to for two years, no more violence, no more ripping on jews, and poor people, and he fucking hated it.

He understood how the shit he done affected people now, but god-damned he still wanted to do it. But he couldn't, and I think that's the icing on the cake. Violence, bullying, that was the way he coped with the depression he's had for years. His dad leaving, his mom a whore, his horrible adhd, his high ego yet tunneling self esteem, but worst of all, his uncontrollable anger. 

He's know about his anger for years now, of course, but he has violence, random acts of killing people like he did scott's parents when he pissed him off. He didn't have any of that now, his breaking point, jesus christ on a stick.

He couldn't handle violence anymore, it wasn't just that he was violated his right to do as he pleases, they forced him into it, now everytime he tries to act violence or degrading shit on anyone, he gags, he gags, HE GAGS. Eric doesn't gag, he's tried to lessen his weight by throwing up before, it didn't work. He cut himself with a razor, it didn't work. 

And the second thing is, the past horrors he dealt with these past two years, he didn't think he could hurt someone like he had been hurt ever again, and he knew that.

He kept questioning if it was ever going to get better, all the time he was there, suffering, in his head, he was bored, but they didn't allow fun there. His mom sure knew how to fucking punish him. It was then he knew nobody could love someone like him. He's tried to get the razor blade on his neck before, and other places of course, but he was to big of a pussy to commit suicide himself, nobody in the hospital sure has hell wasn't going to.

He thought about being the biggest dick as possible when he got back to his so called friends, they didn't like him, he knew. He used to be an asshole. He didn't really call them friends back then either, but now he didn't, he didn't know how important they were back then, but now he knew. Cartman missed them, even that stupid jew, kyle, the fucker he hated for so long.

Knock, knock, knock, he will winced, he would never get used to the sound of the synced knocks. The nurse dragged him out of the hospital, there was his mom, she looked different now. Her hair was way more brushed, longer even, with tiny curls slightly at the buttom. Her eyes, just a little more ocean blue, as she gave her son a pretty indifferent look. Her clothes were sharper, red fancy top with mini hearts and dust sprinkles.

Liane was different now, Eric observed, but so was he. He would get enough money to leave, he swore it, he didn't care if he was sixteen or not, he would find a job. Cartman would leave this bitches vision forever. He could forgive everyone else in the town, hell he could even forgive scott, he knew killing his parents may not have been the best attitude on the situation but that's beside the point.

He still remembered how Liane didn't think twice about sending her son away, 'you need to change, eric.' she had said, no look of loving, no cries, no little flutters of joy, just lean passiveness, from the mother he thought cared about him.

He stepped away from her, to get his belongings, his rings, with little crusted sharks on the sides, and his snake erring. 

His mother tried to touch him, but anyone touching him released a state of worrying, he couldn't be touched, wouldn't be touched, gut feeling, perhaps, or maybe it was having to live like an adult for so long any lean on any creature was so unlike him.

Sometime later he was on a plane, he had been in Germany all this time, nobody to get ahold of, nowhere to go, even if he had somehow made a plan of escape. He was ready to go to South Park wasn't he? Eric had even asked as soon as he got to the hospital of horror. 

The answer was still a surprising no, it was where is life ended, his heart dissolved, his heart clenched, and his life crashed against solid dry infested termite pavement.

So there he was, the plane landed, the answers wondering in his torturous mind, 

Was it really worth it?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh yeah another chapter in Kenny's pov cuz kenny is just 😩👌. Anyway yeah enjoy this, I love kenny, my horny spirit animal.

Kenny was tired, like really tired.

No, not the type of tired you get when you stay up to late or work to hard (though he felt the second one a lot considering he has multiple jobs and recently moved out of his parents house.)

It was Eric, his best friend, even annoyed with sometimes, because he's the worst fucker you can have as a friend, it was more the fact a gape in his mind maybe? He couldn't fill it nevertheless. Stan and Kyle had each other, no matter if they tried to deny it, he always felt like a fucking third wheel. He still wondered if those assholes have feelings for each other but that's another opinion he didn't feel like getting into right now.

So, you know, Ken was the silent type, so he bottled it all up in a bottle of jack daniels. (Well, not literally, though one could dream it was that easy)

But, before he even knew it Craig started to talk to him in school, it started on their biology project, he had to go to Craig's. He doesn't really have any place at the moment, he was close to getting a place of his own though.

Right now he has been staying at Tokens extra um... What's it called? Pool house. Kenny didn't know if the Black's knew about this whole deal or not but it didn't matter.

How the fuck did he have this set up exactly? For some reason unknown to him, Token had found out about his whole smarts with history (he had researched history in the past a lot at the library when it had been opened, a place he went when his parents got into fights when he still lived there.)

He thought he might as well do something, Kenny spent a lot of time there in the pass, whether that was to pass inevitable time or some place to feel like home, he wasn't sure.

Token did give him a sweet deal though, and he guesses that led Craig to hang out with him? Questions make more questions, he supposes.

Ken has been hanging out more with Craig's gang the past two years though, something needed to feed into the best friend spot, never exactly quenched. Craig, however frustrating he was, was that for him, or is, more commonly.

It took a lot of convincing, Craig was downright pessimistic, Kenny being optimistic, eh, not really fitting that label either, he tries not to think about it to long, fear of some paradox.

Kenny doesn't think Kyle missed Eric all that much, maybe missed someone to rip on, but that was all his observation could see. Stan on the other hand, he noticed, just went a little down hill, not as much as Kenny, he was glad to report.

He always cared about his friends a lot, and Ken needed to shoulder everything, he thinks, or thought, but probably not the best thing, he has enough on his plate already, but one in their own, he guesses.

Mccormick didn't know exactly what got rid of Cartman but he had been trying to figure it out a while, and only come to the conclusion that his mother, Liane, lay behind this stack of falling dominos.

Kenny acknowledged he was still pissed about this info, and most of all, fuck Liane's mom in all her glitter glory.

After he was gone a week, oh he's just pulling some prank, even the boys agreed with kenny on this topic of discussion. 

After a month, it started to become a tense subject for the blond, and the more time went past, the more fragile he got, he began to divulge in studies, made excuses not to hang out with the dudes anymore, and even killed himself a few times for some type of enjoyment.

Ken already accepted Eric wasn't coming back, and I think that was the worst information of all. So he kept Craig around, he liked him, but he just wasn't the same, unfortunately.

That day, they were in class learning some type of boring new math, calculous class, it was to be exact, when Kyle pushed his shoulder.

He turned in his direction and Kyle's pencil began writing rapidly, new details after school. Code sky. Important.

Ken nodded in understanding, they had a series of codes for each person. Kenny was code orange, Stan was code Blue, Craig was code dark blue, and Eric was code sky.

Kenny wondered what was going on, they hasn't used code sky in a long time, course this was due to Eric not being in the fucking town anymore. He hopped it was good news and not some fuck up like the last time code sky was used.

\----  
It was after school now, and Ken's mind went haywire all day, lunch, he could barely strike up a conversation with Craig, which was so unlike him, he always made jokes about Craig liking dick, not knowing whether or not this joke was true, basically sent Kenny down the hole for the jokes 

(Hahaha hole)

Craig said he was going to hang out with his sister, earlier this morning promised her he would take her for ice cream in exchange of not telling his parents about his failing grade in biology (Kenny also had problems with that fuck up of a class, like how could he die so much, was that proven by biology? No. His exact point)

So there Kenny was waiting on lazy asses Kyle and Stan, never mind Stan, he walked up behind him and shoved off his parka hood in a laughing manner which didn't go unnoticed.

"Kyle's just getting his text books, I'm telling you dude, I've never seen anything like it."

Kenny laughed trying to get his hood on, but having a tough time due to Stan's grip. Stan was in wrestling, Ken always jokes about how it's really a gay sport but stan tells him to shove it up his ass. 

(Not legitimately though, Kenny asked that, actually)

Ken did work out when he could (which was only on Sundays, he had a job Monday through Friday for around four hours right after school. Saturday was usually when the dudes went to some restaurant and chill (after Stan's wresting matches, which were normally for Saturday's)

Kyle wasn't really into sports but ran the student council with Wendy and Clyde (He admittedly didn't get that cluster fuck either but each their own)

They were now confined into Stan's red truck, after Kyle successfully dropped his book in the hallway, he angrily kicked his locker and told it to fuck off. 

(At least kenny got a show)

Stan led them to the airport, despite Kenny's confusion on this. Kyle got out first, leaving his books in the car. The plane landed, they entered the building, to Liane and.... No... It couldn't be that...

It was Eric, and he was a skinny bitch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was crying while I was writing this for me 🥺. Fr made me so sad like please, anyways, enjoy this chapter.

Maybe it was the fact he was back, or maybe it was the fact he wanted to out wright hug Eric even after his best friend, kyle hated him.

Stan had missed that fatass to much, even though he hid it from Kyle, and especially Kenny, who was already having a hard time with him gone he couldn't bring it upon himself to talk about his struggles when Kenny's matter more.

Marsh noticed he was skinner, skinner than even Kenny, who was customary to poor to afford that much food. Later, turning into a food disorder in the last two years even though Stan sometimes forced the blond into his house and made food himself.

Kenneth always sat down at the seat next to Stanley, as close as possible, and let the raven haired brush little curls of Ken's hair, until it was soft, and Kenny was calm. Stan did get closer to Kenny but he noticed he kept a little distance. He thought it probably had to do with his best friendship with Kyle, but Kenn mattered a lot to him to, how could he make him see that.

But seeing Cartman, the lost part of the group, no matter how stupid he was in the past, sent Stan hugging at him, made him run into his arms, despite making himself an embrassing mess.

Eric's face, he could tell winced as he tired pulling his arms out to him, instead Cartman pushed his hands away and had a face of discomfort. 

"I'm sorry," it was the lightest words he had ever heard Cartman speak, sounds of want and need, but dead, he couldn't fullfil the hug without being uncomfortable.

And Stanley think that's what's broke him the most.

Eric didn't really mind hugs before, when he fake cried, put on a show for his own selfish needs and desires. Anything to get what he wanted, anything. Just one step closer to his plans. 

How could this boy he sorta liked, in a friendship sense, tumble so low down the social latter of himself. It might have been a few small actions but Stan knew that wasn't normal for Cartman.

Marsh cared about Eric's feelings, even though he didn't know him at all now, so he didn't hug him, stan just stared at the state the brown faired haired was in, he was a fucking disaster, disregard for his looks, his takes on his old look on life.

What the hell happened to him during those times? What put Liane up to harming and sending away her only child.

Stan and Kenny had this unspoken belief that Mrs. Cartman sent her son away as a way to cleanse what he once was. And Stanley truly believed that's what had happened to that once strong leader.

There was no look of revenge or hate in his eyes, just pure empty, the embodiment of nothingness. Stan just wanted to hush silent prays, something close to forgiveness to the god's or God, he was still unsure on how that worked, to release whatever plague held Eric, the once light boy full of narcissism, in it's clutches.

Kenny came up behind him, and shoved a hug out of Stan himself, warmth spread along the edges of the worries the teenager possessed.

Thank God for Kenny Mccormick.

Kyle slowly came up behind the latter, he must of been processing the fact Cartman wasn't a fatass anymore, and that actually calling him that was illogical to what the red head thought.

"Let's go Cartman," Kyle said.

Eric nodded and walked with them back to the truck, Kenny waving silent goodbyes to Liane. Kyle sent in the front with Stan, Kenny placed himself behind Kyle, Kyle refusing to let Cartman sit behind him, so that left Eric behind Stan.

Kenny mouthed silent words, 'can you believe this guy.'

He laughed silently, Kenny sure knew how to make jokes.

Stan drove to the dinner, that mostly sold milkshakes and burgers, basically where they always hanged out on Saturdays but this was a special occasion and Kenny didn't work for at least two hours, plenty of time to catch up on the guy.

Parking his car, the four of them walked into the door to a smiling Red working in her typical skater uniform. She liked to hang out with them while she took breaks and served their table, they weren't that close but she was interesting so they let it pass.

Table four, where Red sat them down and took out her tablet of paper, their usual seating arrangements. 

"The usual boys?"

"Yep."

"Yeah."

"You bet Red."

Red looked at Eric expectantly.

"Oh.. I don't want anything."

"Fatass doesn't wasn't anything?" Kyle laughed in his question.

Stan could see Cartman's hand turning red from clutching the fork in his hand.

Don't tell Stan those to were going to fight again (eye roll)

"Okay Red we ordered," Stanley said to the present girl.

She did a little wave off and skated away.

"No more fighting, guys?" It was not said like a question.

He could hear the intake of breath from Eric, "I'm not fat anymore."

Nothing more interesting happened when Red came back with the food, except for Cartman slightly looking at the food in displeasure.

Stan was going to get to the buttom on what's bothering Eric, he swears.

He drove everyone home, saving Cartman for last, hopping to get some word in with him before school tomorrow.

As Eric shut the car door, the window still down, he uttered, "Thank you Stan." 

He walked away like nothing happened, his head down, and walked into his house.

Fuck, what was he feeling right now?

Regret?

Missing Eric all this time?

Fulfillment?

All at once maybe?

But he definitely felt warmth,

Cartman, thanked him

holy shit dude


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii, I wrote this chapter practically sobbing, like wow Z you sure know how to make yourself hurt. Nevertheless this chapter dives into eric's past. I recommend listening to the song hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright for this chapter, I listened to it the whole time writing this, which hurt worse (haha I'm different ✌️😩) and it set the tone for the pain in this chapter, good luck :'). Also a trigger warning for self harm.

So there he was....

Fucking thanking Stan for today...

He never thought he would see the day he would thank anyone but he felt... appreciated by Stan, he never felt that by anyone before.

By the whole thing about the hug, he hopped to god Stan didn't look deeper in all his eating issues and all the shit because he can't trust anyone... He can't ever again... Ever

~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~

"Take your medicine, Eric," the woman said in a stern voice as she shoved whatever the hell she had down his throat. 

He choked, almost downright sobbing in front of her, he couldn't do that again, he wouldn't be able to eat for a week.

"This will help you lose your weight, and maybe stop you from being so fucking pathetic," she hissed in his fragile ears.

He had dug his ears for hours that night, trying to get rid of the sounds of the screams of the children in the other parts of the hospital.

This next part was going to be selfish but he forced himself to act that way for some type of normal, some type of what he once was... Some type of remembrance of home, maybe if it wasn't himself anymore.

He hopped the other kids would get more of the pain, so he could sleep at night, but the bruises on his ears and the redness, bleeding, where he had pushed to hard on them, told him otherwise. He didn't want other kids to suffer either, but he forced himself to say in his head 'better them than me' over and over, even though he didn't believe that himself.

Oh how he wish he could back to ripping on Kyle for being Jewish, he could rip and shove Kenny and told him to stop being so Goddamn poor, and he sure as hell met it back then, no half truth's, no soft hums of regret, just silent shushes of his head where he felt happiness from ripping on people. 

Now, like he mentioned, he did it now for some sort of reminder of what his past self was, no matter if he was doing it in his head, or not. Some days he even wished he was in hell, at least than he wouldn't forget who he was, he wouldn't have to lay in cold bath not recognizing who lay in front of him.

He would give anything to be called fatass again, to be fat again, to be eating the snacks he persuaded his mom to make him in the wee hours of the morning.

Anything...

But anything wasn't enough anymore, and he wasn't getting out of the place, he was doomed to rot on that cold floor, just like everything else here, broken beyond logical comprehension.

For Eric being skinny, almost dying teenager, with no way home in Germany, surrounded by Jews and poor people should have never exist in this world.

~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~

He wiped the pitiful tears off his two different colored eyes, and shoved his head against the bathroom mirror.

Pathetic 

Pathetic

Pathetic

The words he had spilled over and over, on the mirror, with his blood. He has gotten better and using the razor in the correct spot on his vain to get loads of blood to come out.

His mom was whoring around somewhere, although he wasn't surprised, no way in hell had she asked how her son was doing those last two years in a basic place worse than hell, no, she was quietly watching tv when he came home from Stan's red truck. No words, no glance, not even a smile or a frown, she just kept watching.

He wondered how his life, how someone on the grand side of the social latter, could succumb to something as pathetic as wanting love, wanting a hug without flinching or feeling a pit in his stomach.

Eric wishes he could feel the embrace and hushed whispers of Stan telling him it was okay, anyone to ease the pain but he remembered again, that no-one wanted to do that for a nobody such as he.

So he cut and cut, until there was a feeling similar to what he used to feel, hell, anything to feel one ounce of similarity.

It was a school day, he recalled, and slowly got out the bandaids, and some toilet paper to swiftly washing it from the mirror, and then himself.

Oh look, looking good as always, but the remnants were still there, forever in crusted in his used to be fat body.

Ah, well, like that mattered.

So he closed the door, literally and figuratively, wishing to close it forever, but knowing nothing is forever, so he shoved his shoes on, and his pants, and his shirt. He seen a red jacket with a hood in his closet, 

Hm, must have been new.

He liked the hood as well, good way to make his face less noticeable, him less noticeable, not wanting attention, he was afraid on what he would do, he hadn't had more than a conversation with the guys he used to call his best friends.

How the hell was he going to react to other people?

He seen his hat to, he left that in his closet, along with his old jacket, for he wasn't that person anymore, even if he wants to be.

With that out of way, he stared at the kitchen, no food for him, he couldn't stomach it, he didn't want to throw up like the last time he has forced himself to eat.

Which is in the exact reason he didn't order anything around the guys, couldn't have anyone worry, couldn't have notices. They probably didn't care, either.

So he slammed the door of the house, making sure of it, if that was supposed to shake something in his mother's mind.

How ironic

Eric walked to the buss stop, not having a car, and he sure was fuck not going to ask that slut to take him to school, he was better than that.

He seen Kenny there exhaling, creating a cloud of white smoke from the cold, even with his parka on, the iciness still thrives.

He stood a little far a way, not wanting to start a conversation, but it looked like Kenn had other ideas.

"Hey, Eric, what did you have for breakfast."

Stan was standing next to him, Cartman finally seen, his hands shoved tightly in his pockets.

Huh, he never seen them arrive at the same time, usually Kenny was caught up in something with his asshole parents.

How was he going to answer what he had for breakfast, he hardly ate in the first place, and he totally forgot about what he was going to when he got to school.

It was one fucking thing on top of another, why did he have to deal with this.

So, instead of answering, Eric hummed a toon, 

His escape.

Hallelujah,

He knew that was a pretty gay song but it had aching amounts of pain in it, 

And it was good for him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this is chapter made me happy, so enjoy this chaotic chapter, new interesting shit coming next chapter.

Getting out of his bed, not even missing a beat as he threw on his hat before brushing his teeth in the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom, sighing, dragging himself into the shower before school, no way was he going to go without one in the morning again, last time it looked like his hair hasn't been washed, his hair was bad about fucking him over.

Once out of the showing, he lightly combed it before running his fingers threw it and throwing on his hat once again.

Carefully shutting his door, not to alert is cranky sister in the mornings, made his way down to breakfast, and boy was he hungry.

He just wasn't ready for small talk with his bitch mom and asshole dad and all his sister did was manipulate him, digging all possible things he swept under his invisible mat.

Why his sister felt the need to dig up his personal business was beyond him, but he knew his sister hung out with Karen McCormick, Kenny Mccormick's younger sister, basically his best friend.

At first he couldn't believe it when he seen her at Kenny's house but she didn't utter a word, didn't even flip him off, she must of have really had respect for Karen.

Karen was similar to Kenny, but without all the baggage included, whether or not Craig talked about it out loud, Kenn had a shit ton of baggage.

First of all, he noticed his eating habits, and also noticed how he stayed at Stan's house a lot, Stan made sure he'd eat. Craig wasn't really fond of Stan but if he kept Kenny eating, he didn't care. He cared to much about Kenn to see him crumble, and he'd do anything, even having to witness Stanley do it.

So, sitting down at the kitchen table, looked at his mom cooking pancakes, offered to help, of course, Kenny told him a lot about cooking, even though Kenn had bad eating habits, he still fucking cooked good, that was beyond Craig's comprehension, but he was glad Kenny cooked for him.

(Kenny sure knew what he had going for him)

Carefully placing all the plates in their respectable places he could finally sat down, in silence, careful not to take to big of bites.

Slowly, with him almost finished with his four stack of pancakes, his sister came down the stairs, his dad was either at work or the bar, but he didn't care enough to worry.

His sister took two pancakes and hushed some words to mother and nodded as she left the kitchen, probably doing her work on her computer in her room, (she had a job as an accountant)

He was surprised his mother could have a job like that, just getting it two years ago after paying her old college debt (she had to quit when she was pregnant with Craig, she got back into it and somehow got a job that payed good)

Craig finished the last bit of pancakes, taking all his willpower not the lick the syrup off the plate, knowing his mom would get pissed and he didn't have the energy to start more flip off fights.

(Lame, the first word that came to mind, he was okay to do it around other people, he was pessimistic of course, but his parents and sister, he had to deal with when he went out, he could just ignore regular people he had no interest in, but he had to show his fake interest in his parents or else he would get in trouble)

(Sigh, especially sucked when they forced him to hang out with them, his sister usually using her baby face and innocent ask to get out of it)

(He didn't have a baby face, he wasn't innocent and he sure as hell wasn't going to act nice)

He had fucking Kenneth Mccormick as his best friend, I'm pretty sure that said it all in terms.

He walked himself out the front door, not bothering with pathetic goodbye's, most of all, not for his sister.

He walked directly to Token's house. Token was the voice of reason, and plus Kenny lived there anyways. Token usually picks up Clyde on the way, (his second favorite friend he can share casual tacos without tons of conversation)

Clyde was quite busy though, he had student council, and a job at the coffee shop, and he was also in football (star quarter back)

(How he got into the football team was something Craig didn't understand, he was a fucking pussy.)

Tweek didn't go with them to school, he went his separate way, walking to school everyday with the goths, (his boyfriend Pete, went to coffee shop with the other goths to meet up with each other)

How he started hanging out with the goths?

Well actually, Craig also hanged out with the goths, but not as much as Tweek, because for some reason the goths pissed Kenny off, and he liked Kenny the most so he pulled some strings.

Knocking at the door of Token's house, a hot chocolate was shoved on him, and Black's usual smile, the motherly ways kicking in, looking concerned at a red nosed Craig who spent twenty minutes walking in the Colorado weather.

"Kenny's inside also, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you," he pushed him in the house as Kenny walked over.

"Hey, dude, what have I told you about walking in this shit," Kenny said in a tone, Mccormick didn't wear his hood that much when he was alone with him, he customarily stole Craig's hat from him, even though he always complained.

"Fuck you, Kenn," he flipped him off and sat down on the pale dinning room table, used one of the other chairs for his legs.

Against his want, he was shivering, Token of course noticed and placed a blanket over him, shaking his head slightly.

Kenny got whipped cream out of the fridge and started straying it into his mouth. Token grabbed it out of Kenny's hand as Kenn made inappropriate jokes as Token flushed red.

"What have I told you about eating all my whipped cream."

Here we go again...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh yeah this bitch did this chapter instead of doing her homework :)
> 
> Um yeah, so this chapter is another part of eric's past and I basically added some of my own pains in this, like this story is nothing more than my own problems oops lol. 
> 
> But enjoy this cuz I still need to do my homework bye

Eric had had a long day at school, trying to make him not eating an easy pass, needless to say, it wasn't an easy task. Finally, he got them to buy it though, with a few words that his past self would have said, would have been proud of.

Trying to get situated back to south park school was not easy, he wasn't used to teachers, he didn't get any education at the hospital, a few moments of clarity, maybe, but no education, it was forbidden, actually.

So, as Cartman sat there hours and hours he imagined what it would have been like if he got to stay in south park. He liked having a room to himself, but sometimes it got lonely.

That was until, he had a new person to share a room with. The stupid nurse lady pulled him by his hair, sat him down in an uncomfy wooden chair with piece's of wood falling out to tell him about it. She sounded spiteful, she told Eric he better not do anything rash or he wasn't going to get food for a least two days everytime a crime was committed. 

His lips stung, he wasn't there for a while at the time, probably around six months, but then again, time became nothing more than some old thing that didn't concern him, it all washed away in the end.

He already admitted to himself when he first got there, that he had been depressed for quite a long time without realizing it, and it didn't look like it was going to look up for him for some time.

Of course.

Why would he get forgiveness.

He kept his head low when a grumble came from the new boy that entered his room, right after, the nurse loudly closed the door.

"I can't believe my father pulled this bullshit on me," the boy mumbled.

Eric raised his head and looked at the boy and his eyes widened, 

"Damien?" He asked, testing the waters.

The questioned boy started at him, then his face melted in one of discomfort, 

"Ah, Eric? Is it, I remember you, the fatass from south park. You don't look to good now."

Cartman sighed, he seemed to be doing a lot of that these days, being confined and all, "Yes, it's Eric. And fuck no I don't look good, this place is worse than hell."

Damien chuckled a little bit at the hell joke, and sat down on the other bed in the room, "Yeah, well, you're right about that regardless. My dad sent me here as punishment for not being evil enough, told me this place will set me right. I don't know how long I'll even be here for, maybe when my dad thinks I'm worth it."

The anger in his eyes showed of fire, shimmering dust sparks.

Damien really scared the shit out of him, but he couldn't help but think they had a lot in common.

He was also abandoned by his father, left to fend for himself, like his mother did to him. Damien never mentioned his mother but he didn't think she was around, like his father, and Damien also had uncontrollable anger.

Maybe he would finally fit in somewhere, maybe he could finally be free of loneliness, even for a short while.

"I understand that more than you know, my mother sent me here! Can you believe that shit," his fist slamming against his bed post in the process, rage coming over him.

"No shit? Fuck dude, your mother was the last person I thought would send you to fucking Germany, does the guys you were friends with know?"

"Nobody does, and I'm not sure they'd care anyways."

It was the first time Damien looked at him different, getting up from his bed and sitting next to Eric, closely, as if asking silently, if this was what he wanted. Cartman, nodded, so Damien pulled him in a quick few second hug, no words needed.

This was a start of progress for the fractured boy's soul, and for the so called dark one to get some kind of comfort.

It was the start of temporary peace in a cruel suffocating world.

And Eric's first taste of happiness in six months.

Cartman woke up with a start, finally coming to terms that he was having flashbacks. Ever since he arrived at south park, it's been hard to cleanse his brain of the past horror's he's endured.

But one thought clouded his mind, and his heart.

Where was Damien now?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me doing two chapters instead of doing my homework? You fucking know it. (These chapters feel like filler chapters to me but I promise things are getting moving) 
> 
> All and all, I'm really proud of this story, hopefully I can end it good.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy 🙄🙄

Stan wondered how much more he could deal with the pressure from school, even after everything, even after Kyle's support, hell, even after Kenny's amazing cooking that filled him up.

But nothing seemed to work, the cloud still ugly, shadowed down on him every moment when he was awake. Luckily, it hasn't reached his dreams yet, but he knew it was to be soon. Kenny had been staying at his house a lot lately, noticing Stan's fall of grace, like an angel with warped wings.

Kenny even offered to cuddle him as a friend, of course. If Stan was being honest, he almost cried of happiness when Kenny offered that, it was a big step in their relationship. He had been avoiding him to hang with Craig, cause he had Kyle.

But he missed Kenny's air, the peace that always surrounded him, and breath of fresh, Kyle wasn't always an air of calmness, quite the opposite actually, especially with nobody to take it out on.

(Cartman was someone Kyle hated but was glad he always fought back, he surprising helped Kyle, something he wouldn't know until he was gone)

Tonight was the first night Kenneth offered to cuddle Stan while they slept, and Stan was nervous at first but when Kenny's arms wrapped around his, all the worries disappeared, and the cloud was gone for a night.

Kenny was like a glowy night light.

So, when he woke up that morning, he actually felt happy and he woke up before Kenny, so he made him breakfast. As a silent thank you for letting him take a load off. Eggs, toast with peanut butter, and some crisp bacon. 

(He didn't know why Kenny preferred peanut butter instead of regular old butter but he decided to not ask, because frankly, that was disgusting. But Kenny also ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches so he shouldn't be surprised at this point.)

A strawberry crush steadily clutched in his other hand he made his way to his bedroom, sat it down on his bedside table and shook the blond awake.

Kenny yawned and stared at the food, and he swore that was the first time he ever seen Kenn in such awe.

"You made all that for me," his tone was light, but his voice was deep and low, from just waking up, and his little curls wrapped around the sides of his face, all in all his hair was the usual mess.

(Kenny barely brushed his hair, always wearing the hood, but sometimes he would take the hood off and just talk to Stan. The dude really needed to brush his hair, cause holy shit it was a juggle of its own.)

"Of course, you better eat it all," he announced with his arms crossed, the cold making it an automatic response.

He sounded like a mom, admittedly he was, Kenny, one horny son of a bitch who liked making inappropriate jokes every possible minute, Kyle (trying to act like the voice of reason but failing miserably) would always get angry and get in fights. Then, being in the student council, always trying to make unfair laws on certain occasions, making Stan having to talk to Wendy and Clyde.

Wendy was still kind of a tense subject but Stan hardly cared anymore, he just didn't like her mentioned when he was around. Wendy broke up with around six months of Eric missing, telling him he wasn't the same and she couldn't deal with his constant mention of Eric when they alone.

It was really Stan trying to project his feelings on missing one of his friends, nobody understood except Kenny. Kenny might have talked about him more than Stan had (and that was alright, he was his best friend so he understands how that would work.)

Wendy told him to sort his priorities out, before he went back to her, but Stan didn't want to deal with her anymore. Especially since Kenny told him some good advice (Kenny got around a lot, he seems to never give up when it gives him some good sex)

But all in all, it was actually good advice, so Stan moved on but he still didn't like Wendy regardless. He didn't know who Wendy was with anymore and he didn't care, it certainly been long enough, she could do whatever she wanted.

Kenny ate all of it, and thanked Stan, as Stan began making himself food, and they finally made their way to the bus stop, no-one was there, until a little later Cartman showed up, and Kenny asked him how his day was, complete quiet.

Since when was Eric ever silent? He had to admit he was weird, especially after his whole thank you from last night. And him not eating. Had he not eaten today either? Stan was scared to ask, he wanted to force him to eat like he did with Kenny but he was afraid to make him uncomfortable, not knowing any of his triggers, he didn't want him to stop hanging out with them, not when they just got him back.

Not when Cartman was finally back again, and things could get back to normal, where the cloud wasn't over him like a deadly disease.

Kyle finally showed up, had a paper in his hand, probably studying for some type of exam (he had mostly AP classes so he couldn't imagine how how hard that was for Kyle, Stan was already slipping and he only had regular classes.)

Cartman didn't look up once, even when the bus showed up, he just climbed on and found a seat in the back of the bus. Kenny sent Stan a questioning glance on whether or not be should sit with Eric, to which Stan nodded, someone has to keep an eye on him.

Kyle and Stanley sat across in the back, from Kenny and Eric, Kyle sat in his the window seat, leaving Stan on the outside, where he seen Kenny also reside. He could see Kenn muffle words from his parka to Eric, which Cartman shook his head and stared out the window. Kenny slowly unzipped his hood, probably still had icy fingers from the weather, to give Stan a defeated look.

Looks like they weren't getting through Cartman anytime soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another chapter with Kenny😎. What do you think of the story so far? Like the direction?

Truthfully, that school day was uneventful for Kenny, except occasionally talking to Stan, but after the bus ride Kenn felt pretty drained that the one question he asked Eric was unanswered.

He asked him, "Do you want to talk about it," because they both knew something was going on with him, but Cartman just shook his head and looked at the window. Only thing Kenny did was just send Stan a look, and he thinks Stan understood what he met.

He has a history test that today, he couldn't really concentrate but Token was also in that class (he had helped a little bit in that admittedly, this being AP history, but Token had helped him in biology, Token being actually good in that class somehow.)

And Token gave him some jolly rangers so Kenny could preform better for his task. Kenny did eat a big breakfast that Stan made at his house (yes, Stan, made it himself just for Kenny. Looks like the tips Kenny gave him paid off, Kenn would definitely do something for Stan later.)

After finishing that long drug out unnecessary shitty test (all possible names under the roof to give it the disgusting appeal it deserved.) He handed the teacher the history test and walked out with Token, making their way to the lunch hall.

Token sat down at his usual table and Kenny joined him, wanting to hang out the him, the rest of their gang, and Craig, before making his way to his own. Craig sat one tray in front of Kenny's view as Craig had his in his hands. He had the biggest look of annoyance, the look he always made when he was at school, (unless some fan fucking tastic shit happened, which didn't happen at school most of the time, unfortunately.)

(He usually always brought Kenny's meal to him for some reason, and this wasn't breaking that constant. Admittedly, Kenny didn't know how to react to Craig being so nice to him all the time but he was so thankful, Craig didn't really treat anyone else that way.)

Kenny took off his hood to look at the tacos with a fruit cocktail and some expired milk with decaying carrots.

"This is really the best they can do huh," Kenn asked, still starting to eat it when Token pushed it away.

"I'm not letting you eat that, come on," he dragged the blond, he noticed Craig following Token's dragging and Craig just raised an eyebrow at what Black was doing.

He made it to his car and threw Kenny in as Craig silently opened the door to the backseat. Token started the car and out of the parking lot they went. The ride had been silent until Token pulled him to his own house, got out of the car and went in.

What the hell was he doing?

It had maybe been five minutes when he finally got back in the car with a brown paper bag and back to school they went, Token again dragging him to the cafeteria, swiftly handing him the lunch.

"Go hang out with them," he mentioned, not waiting for a reply as Craig awkwardly waited for a window of conversation.

"So uh," he said scratching the back of his head, "Can you hang out later?"

Mccormick nodded, "Hell yeah dude, right after school like usual."

"Sweet," he paused "I'll see you tonight then, and you better eat your lunch."

Kenny rolled his eyes "You know it Tucker," as he made his way to the other table.

The rest of the guys were already there, seeing Stan and Kyle eating but not Eric. Had he ate all his food that fast? Even for him that seemed unlikely.

Kenny sat down at the table to open the lunch, one peanut butter and banana sandwich, a slice of angel food cake, a golden delicious apple, and some string cheese. 

Token sure as hell knew how to make a lunch, he'd make sure to think him later depending on if Craig wants to hang out with the rest of the gang or not.

Stan stared at Kenny, shifting his head in Eric's direction, wanting to know if he should ask Cartman the question or not. Marsh must have waited for him to show up at the table before asking, to which Kenny did a quick thumbs up in response.

"Hey, dude, where's your food," Kenn could tell the tone, he was nervous to see how it went.

"I'm getting lunch after school, I'm not eating their shitty food."

"I can give you some of mine," Kenny offered immediately.

"No," Cartman said rapidly, then he exhaled, "No, guys, I'm fine."

Kenny and Stan left it alone after that, the rest of the lunch sat silent except Kyle once or twice mentioning how hard AP classes were and how he regrets it but needs it for college.

There was only one class after lunch, English Lit, (which he had with Bebe, Wendy, and Clyde.)

He didn't get there whole situation at all but he was pretty sure they were fucking cause what other explanation was there. They were found hanging out constantly. Kenny didn't investigate into it more, though, knowing Stan doesn't like Wendy on any possible level, and he had to respect his decisions.

Fortunately, only Clyde was next him, and he customarily talked about tacos and women, (not mentioning Wendy, but definitely mentioning Bebe because they were still going out somehow.)

He had to get done a five paragraph essay explaining climate change in two days (he had his work cut out for him, especially since he hanged out with his sister on Tuesdays.)

His sister still lived with the other Mccormick's due to her age he couldn't take her with him to the Black's, but texted to make sure she was okay daily, knowing his stupid parents.

Bell rang, he made a beeline for the exit to meet Craig at his car, out of this stupid school and have some kickass fun. He'd get ahold of Kyle, Stan, and Eric, later. (He didn't know Cartman's number but could go by his house later)

And it also makes an excuse to talk to him in private, maybe then he'll say more about his issues instead of bottling his feelings up.

Either way, Kenny was getting something tonight, that was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed the intensity of the cliffhanger, you're welcome😩


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about this chapter, don't kill me😩.  
> Anyways, it's currently 3 am and uh fuck imma go now, but I'd like to hear how you liked this chapter.

Drip drip drip

The sounds of the water pressure hitting his cold low weight skin. It felt like burning acid, he felt freezing. Maybe he shouldn't if have cut so deep, so much, it was taking a toll. How could he sink so much fucking further.

Lock lock lock the invisible door Cartman...

He told himself repeatly, so he could shut it, bottle it down again, permanently this time. He needed to make progress, he had to make progress.

But the crack noise he made when his head hit the tile on the side of shower told otherwise, the unconscious boy couldn't control it anymore, he wanted to end it.  
~~~  
~~~  
Kenny just got with spending about four hours with Craig, really happy, throwing rocks at cars, eating angel food cake, and a casual drink.

He finally decide to go to Cartman's house and ask for his number. He wasn't to far now, just arriving on the block. Kenny didn't know what Kyle and Stan were doing, but it was the usual.

He knocked on the door, Liane greeted him at the door, telling him Eric was in the shower for quite a while.

Huh.

He went to Cartman's room anyways to hear a big nosie, he quickly ran in the bathroom, not caring if Eric was naked or not.

Kenny pulled the shower curtain back to see him, blood gushing everywhere, mostly his head. 

He looked horrible.

Kenny almost lost it there, but against his usual hate for hospitals he shoved it down and called the ambulance, they were on there way, he just needed to put some clothes on Cartman, no matter how gross that sounded.

After putting the clothes on him, (the quickest items he could fine in his closest) and put on his coat, not wanting him to be colder, he was already feeling icy.

The ambulance arrived soon after that, Kenny grabbing Eric's hands to warm him and tell him someone was there, even though he was unconscious.

He couldn't believe Cartman would do something like this. 

The people with him in ambulance told him to move as they wheeled Eric in the ICU. Kenny left with his head in his hands, sobbing.

He was broken, for real this time.

~~~~~  
~~~~~

Stan was with Kyle helping him studying, he thought he owed him that much, (basically not doing anything for like any of their studying sessions, fuck that, he was going to now, even if it was helping Kyle instead.)

Kyle's mom said he could stay for dinner, his mom graciously accepting, thinking it was good for Stan to hang out with Kyle, for which Stan was glad to have such a supportive mother.

That's when he got the call, Kyle's mom saying it was for Stan, and for him to come downstairs, he told Kyle to go with him, he didn't know what to expect.

He put the phone to his ear, he heard sniffing.

"Hey... Stan.. so.. Eric's at the hospital, I want you to come... because I know you care about him to... Tell Kyle, he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to. That's all, I'll see you there."

"Okay, dude, I'll be there," the final words before the line was cut by Kenny.

Kenny didn't sound so good, he couldn't imagine what he had to see, it couldn't have been good. He seen Kyle right next to him giving him a confused look.

"We are going to the hospital, to see Eric."

~~~~~  
~~~~

His arms burned from holding them in his head so long, his thoughts no longer coherent, a jumble, like a broken record.

He wanted to know if Cartman was okay, that's all he needed. It took all his willpower to not loose it with Stan on the phone, not wanting to see his much it bothered him.

Especially... finding him like... that...

Stan and Kyle showed up (he couldn't tell how long though, him not being able to calculate time.

The rest went in a blur, Kenny not answering, the sounds of Stan and Kyle arguing, Kyle walking out, Stan wrapping his arms around his until they fell asleep.

Kenny woke up to Stan still tightly against him, sleeping, looking extremely afflicted. 

God he hopped cartman was okay, especially for Stan's case, he didn't look good. Kenny got his phone out, telling Craig he couldn't be at school today.

Craig: okay I'll see you after school

Kenny: not sure one way or another, ttyl

Kenny sat his phone down, to see the doctor approach him, he shook Stan awake, he needed to hear this to.

The doctor cleared his throat and looked down at them, "So, boys, it looks like your friend has suffered a lot of trauma to the head, he also had several marks on his arms, they are cut pretty deeply. We are really unsure how long it will be until he wakes up."

Kenny got up as soon as the doctor said that, grabbing him, "You're telling him you don't know," his tone broken and angry.

"Look, Kid, I'm not sure."

"But you're a fucking doctor!" Kenny replied. 

Stan grabbed him "It's not worth it, Kenny, come on let's sit down."

The doctor ran, that fuck, couldn't tell shit. He's a fucking doctor, doctors should know these things, what was wrong with today's society. He was tired, he might mention it several times but he didn't know how much more he can take, Eric being in a coma, Stan being depressed and Kyle leaving (not knowing what his problem was, though.)

If Eric's dumb mom, Liane, never sent him away none of this stupid shit would have happened, she'll get what's coming to her, whether or not she knew.

So, Kenny let Stan hold him again, they both needed it. Kenny only had one wish.

For the four of them to be okay...

But, most of all, Eric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also more cliffhangers cuz I'm rude like that...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd have this many reads thank you so much it means a lot. I promise this chapter is a softer one to make up for the wreck I have made of my baby Eric. Without further cutback, enjoy this.

So, he was casually sitting in the obnoxious chair the coffee house offered (he knew a chair _really_ couldn't _be_ obnoxious but goddamn he was going to call it that)

Nevertheless he was sitting there after a bold statement of skipping school after Kenny sent him that text (he didn't really feel a need to be at school at that point, and it was also just in case Ken needed him, he didn't want to be caught up on learning about some dumb biology lesson.)

He was with the goths kids, his side friends when he didn't feel like putting on acts of interest with the public anymore (the goths seemed to understand that more than he did, somehow.) They got their usual order of coffee (they kinda sounded grumpy at first because the coffee house of Tweek's parents wasn't the usual meet up place but Craig _insisited_ they go their because it was Kenny's favorite side place and he wanted to think about him even though he was trying to deny that)

He's thought about Kenny a lot, an amazing boy whom he was glad he friended, whom didn't drink just fucking coffee all the time, he'd smoke to, but he'd get things like hot chocolate or sneak in some french fries or some dish he made.)

Sometimes he'd even go the store with him around three am when he ran out of eggs (yes, they indeed stayed up that late, they both had insomnia.) Kenny would always say he wanted to get in the cart because he wanted to be that kind of person, Craig actually liked having that person in his life, nevertheless.

With the goths kids, it was like a bigger 'done with society' cloud then he, himself, had pocessed, which guided him to them in the first place. They hanged back in places not many people went, grave yards, abandoned buildings in hard to reach high places in south park.

He was also at the coffee shop because he wanted a job, (a night shift if you will) he definitely wasn't going to get a day shift, too many people, and he was also going to be in the back, that was his plan, he didn't want to greet people, or see that much of them, and he thought this place was perfect, (also mentioning Kenny in that, of course, the glowing orange sunlight flower.)

Craig told the goths he'd be right back, their usual blank look was shown as they made quick but dark looks at him with their black eyeliner they caked on their white as snow faces (he would make a vampire joke but they burned down hot topic once, and kidnapped a vampire kid so he'd rather not.)

He went up to Tweek, the person who usually greeted people (despite the fact he had bad anxiety, his dad or mom didn't seem to care about that, so he was a fucking mess, naturally.)

"I'd like a job, working the night shift, I was wondering if I can have a position working in the back," he said, straight forward, (Craig was a very straight forward man, not gathering or socializing with people of the opposite nature, to annoying to hang out with for his taste. Causing him to fucking hang out with people like the disastrous goth kids.)

"Arg! I'll ask my parents hold on," came the hasty speed tone of Tweek as he swiftly made a direction to the back of the coffee house.

He came back a few minutes later, more filled with jumpy spurts (probably something to do with his parents, and the answer they gave him was to much to process at this point.)

"Ahh! To much pressure! They said you can have the position," the messy haired giving him a sticky note of hours to attend said job and the instructions on how to brew such coffee.

"Okay," quick but needed response, Craig knew Tweek would appreciate it very much. 

Hours went by, (he was unsure of how long exactly, to caught up in the goths poem reading that took long drug out amounts of time in which he would zone out hearing little bits of 'pain' and 'death' mentioned like all their poems tended to be.

Pete, (the medium haired boy) gave Craig a cigarette which he also took a light swig off, careful not to do that much at once (it left a smell he would rather not linger on him for days on end. It wasn't a pleasant experience the last times he's done it on accident, trying to blow his problems away in clouds of death and spirals of tasteless gray.)

He heard the ding of his phone then, pulling it out from deep within his pocket and clicked and dragged to open to the home screen, came a message from Kenny.

Kenny: hey, dude. letting you know we can't hang out today either. Busy.

Craig: k. tomorrow then?

Kenny: unsure. let ya know

Craig didn't bother responding, took another slow drag of the cigarette and stood up from the shitty chair, "Can we go to your house henrietta, I'm tired of this place, to loud."

The goths didn't answer his question either (which he was glad for, rather or not he would actually admit that truth or not.)

The answer was a silent yes, as they got into Pete's car and climbed up to Henrietta's room upstairs, (Henrietta didn't like going through the front, the front caused her to see her parents, Craig understood that situation perfectly despite him not being goth.)

After successfully climbing in the window, they all wrote poems, took drags off cigarettes (regardless of Craig telling himself to not do it so much but ultimately failing, every. single. time.)

It was around one am when Craig climbed into his own window of his house, not wanting to alert his parents that he stayed out that late when he had a curfew of eleven.

Putting himself into bed after taking off his hat and brushing his teeth, he went to bed, finally, long drug out days tired him immensely, but that wasn't what really made it tired, it was the fact he didn't talk to Kenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad dragging out Craig chapter wasn't on my list or intention but I really liked it anyways, new chapter will be happier (like I said this one would be lol)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm back and omg this chapter

It had been about two weeks since Eric was confined to the hospital for a multitude of reasons. Kenny had taken up residence in Stan's house. Stan and Kenny visited the hospital for hours after school (even though Kenny had a job, he blew it off most of the time, this time was more important.)

Stan and Kenny kept to themselves (in other words, Stan didn't talk to Kyle, and Kenny didn't talk to Craig.)

It did make them feel bad at first but Stan insisted on it, and Kenny liked to make Stan happy (he was starting to think a little to much.)

That's what landed them sitting in Eric's hospital room, Kenny and Stan's hands clutched together tightly (like the usual position, afraid to let go of the other in case something happens. They _knew_ they wouldn't be able to take another blow out of a member of the friendship group, but it was also because of selfish reasons.)

Kenny and Stan hadn't talked to Kyle since he stormed off that day (when Eric was originally put in the hospital.) They also, again, haven't tried looking for him, he still showed up at school (probably because his mom made him) but he wasn't found at the bus stop, or at the coffee house, or other remote places in their mountain town.

They have gotten closer with each other the past few weeks (doing the same routine as before, sleep cuddled as close as possible in the night, wake up, Kenny would make breakfast. They would have small talk for about ten minutes with Sharon before she had to leave, get dressed into their clothes, and out the door with lunches Stan quickly made up, it wasn't very interesting but the boys admittedly needed a constant in their life after the whole situation)

They had already been at the hospital for around three hours at that point when Stan quietly whispered something into the other's ear, "Kenny how do you know...you're.. well.. gay.."

There was silence for about twenty minutes after that, Kenny collected his thoughts about this topic before answering Stan (he was afraid he would scare him off.)

"You see, Stan, it's like this constant feeling of calmness, you always feel safe when you're around them, I, as my pansexual self, speak from experience. But why do you ask.."

His sentence was cutoff by Stan's sideways glance in his direction, carefully crafted by angel's. 

"Oh, I see, how long have you known?"

Kenny could see Stan hesitate before replying "I started noticing it when Eric first started being in the hospital but I think it's been happening for quite a while, but I also feel the same around Eric as I do you... and I don't understand"

Kenny stared at him, blinded, it's like he read his exact thoughts, "I feel the same way, you know."

Stan's face just brightened a summer glow as he smiled and made less space between Kenny and himself as he grabbed a few messy curly edges of Ken's hair, "is this okay?"

Kenny grabbed ahold of Stan's hand he had locked in Ken's locks and nodded, Stan carefully put his lips against Kenny's own, testing and making sure it was okay before he really began kissing him, Kenny, (in all his horny glory) could not wait any longer after realization of his feelings as he shoved his lips harder against Stan's.

Stan could hear the buzz buzz of the heater (it was a really shitty heater, but the winter's got cold in South Park and the heater in each room was the only thing they could afford, luckily donated by the state) Stan tried to think, but was cutoff by Kenny's soft lips brush and shove against his own in a heated passion (better than what the heater would even supply itself.) Stan imagined Kenny would reject him, but he didn't, he welcomed him, he told him little whisperers of inappropriate comments as Stan blushed.

After that kiss, they decided to stay wrapped around each other as Kenny put his hands in Stan's hair, it was very relaxing and got rid of Stan's present nerve that has made habitat there for quite some time. Kenny let go of Stan, and turned himself around, looking at Stan in the eyes as he grabbed his hands, "Stan, I would like to take this slow, I still have to figure out my feelings for Eric, before we try anything serious, is that okay with you," Kenny asked in his softest of voices.

"You have conflicting feelings for Eric to?"

"Yes," he said simply.

"I'm good with that Kenny, but we should talk to Cartman about it when he wakes up. Maybe we can come up with something."

"That sounds good to me, Stan," Ken finally let's out as he cuddles against Stan once more, kissing his lips for a millisecond, and falling asleep to Stan's breath against him. They would talk to Eric (or whether admit their feelings) but that day, wouldn't be now, whether or not how much they really wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea 😏😏


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my sleep paralysis demon. I decided to write this dear chapter at almost 2 am because I'm way different and in the mood to write more... well shit but anyways...

It was inky black, coffee colored walls lined the oldish room where he was currently laying. A cot, it was, that was what he was laying on. The floor was marble (how ironic at this point.)

He didn't know where he was, the last thing he remembered was taking a shower. The cot was really shit (as things tend to be not the literal sense, nothing made sense) why did he always feel like an Alice in wonderland creature, (he was assuredly the mad hatter, though he wasn't one for hats, he was willing to make an exception for power.)

Maybe laying there made him come to the conclusion about how powerless he was but masked it behind his narcissist tendencies, (damn him to hell if he was ever going to say anything about him. -Don't take him on that though- he won't deliver.)

He was tempted to take a glass of wine (he didn't have wine stored at his house, he was afraid his slut 'mom' would catch it, and he couldn't have anyone get in his way, not when he got this far. Not when he already lost so much.)

So, Eric started to stand but it quickly became fruitless, another woeful failure. How exactly was he going to get out of here? He couldn't entirely walk (Eric would probably hurt himself worse, fucking fucker.)

That's when he heard a voice hum, gradually gaining volume and aggression, painful pins of ears (like 1,000 roasted screaming sixteen year old girls. Someone like Wendy.)

He was freaked out of his mind. What. the. fuck.

That's when he saw it, the smallest movement, _blond_ hair. Who would think it was acceptable to fuck with him? 

Then slowly, the person became closer, orange fading, like dusk moonlight lit, moderately in the best way an unmoderated person tends to be, (if that makes sense, Eric didn't get it either.)

The voice still held thousands of pins (like one of those voodoo dolls, Eric used to own tons of them in the past but they were mostly Kyle, he still never died. huh. must of been pretty bullshit.)

The figure lowered their hood, no noise, only box silence. The being held no face, just pitch black, (darker than the sky,) and it made a direction for him (HE WAS SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS THAT WAS SURE.)

Then, the pitch black faded, (disappeared,) to show (was that Kenny? Holy shit dude..)

His parka was a little darker, so was his hair, not really as light sunlight hair it once was, he used to have the energy of Apollo, same hair, orange parka like the color of sunrise, but now it was all dusk, like colors of death, (that didn't fit kenny at all? He was so much more than a bloody meat sack wasn't he?

(People were much more than that right? Whatever you need to sleep Eric, whatever you need. He was talking to himself again... totally.)

Kenny now grabbed him by the shoulder, his lips going against the other's ear, moist chapped lips, pushing just above the surface of the white as sheet Cartman, who tried so hard not to lose his shit right there and punch the fucking gay dude in the face. 

"How's hell going for you, does it feel as extravagant and kickass as your pea-sized Nazi brain hopped?"

The smirk on his face rounded about, ten-fold, "I'm smart enough to know the difference between storms and lighting, Ken."

"Then you should know if you're dead, shouldn't you, fucking smartass," the tone of voice was hardly sarcastic, no hint of joking, just the cold hard icy brick truth, because the sarcastic wasn't needed in any instant as ludicrous and absurd as this.

Cartman decided to put his face closer to the recently unhooded freak of orange (fucking orange juice wasn't even scary.,)

"Why don't you show me, huh, fucking homosexual."

(Was Eric even rolling his eyes, yes, yes he was.)

"You're only insults are some gay insult directed about me. What makes you think you aren't in hell? Smart guy, you always think you know everything." 

Eric thought about it before, but already came to the conclusion, (even before this situation, he knew.)

"Because I deserve worse than this."

The two blue eyed boy stared him down, "you actually believe that to? Don't you? You really believe that lowly of yourself?"

The sadden but truthfully different colored iris boy nodded, "Yes, because if I couldn't do good things before I hit the rockiest of bottoms, why do I deserve to be saved when I do good again. It's only some pathetic cons. Only when I'm delirious, but at least I can tell the difference between how pathetic I am."

Kenny looked at him again, but his aura seemed to be orange again (the usual color) instead of a dark black void, Ken opened his arms to Eric, and sniffed a little, "I think you're ready now, darling, I don't think I've ever heard something so beautiful, I will miss you, nevertheless, in all your chubby glory, so long, fatass."

He blew some kind of fuse almost, like an old steam train, he felt a cloud as thick as fog in his mind, and body, as he felt himself enter a different state, but before he went fully, he gasped out one thing, 

"I'M NOT FAT, GODAMNIT," he only heard short shifts of laughs in response. 

He hate people, he swore if this lead somewhere stupid or lame, Eric would make sure to personally slaughter him, he could use another hat, or maybe he could make a painting with his blood...

Choices, choices...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's become routine for me to do chapters around 1 am and guess what! I've delivered one again. Haha get ready for this one 😳

There he sat, another wooden chair, one hand held the blackest of coffee (darker than his soul or whatever, _blah blah blah_ , -insert goth things here-) and a lit cigarette in his other, puffing it harshly, unable to get the thoughts about a certain blond out of his mind, making him want to pull his hair out (yes, he did mean it in the actual sense this time, and it's not like anybody would notice.)

He lifted his feet off and hit the floor, slowly, looking around and filled another coffee when he looked at the order sticky noted to the back while, almost coming off (the sticky notes were really old for some reason and he guesses the Tweak's don't know what a story supply place is.)

He put it in the area the person at the front would give to the customer (it was usually Tweek, but tonight it was.. he forgets names easy so he's not the most reliable, but it didn't matter either way.)

It was around two weeks since Kenny last hung out with him, and at this time, as long as hard as he thought, he knew Kenneth was blowing him off, (he actually couldn't believe Kenny would do this after everything.)

He had to pick Kenneth's pieces up after Eric left (whom he isn't proud of at the moment, leaving Kenny vulnerable and afraid of basically his own shadow.)

Now, even after Craig had picked up all his once again mentioned baggage he was left alone again, thundering alone again (not like he was astonished anymore.)

He filled another cup of coffee and layed it on the holding section and threw another sticky note in the already overflowing trash, that mostly held the cups of coffee he's drank and the packs of cigarettes he's gone through (Craig, he told himself just two weeks ago, cut back so I doesn't smell like cigarettes.)

(Ha, like he'd ever believe he would be able to, after all, day in and day out, he hung out with the worst influences in fucking South Park.)

Craig heard the ding noise of the door, as swiftly as the nosie, the dude or whatever (he doesn't care) who was handing the cups of coffee to the customers came in the back, "There's someone here for you."

Craig immediately rolled his eyes, (he literally got this job to AVOID people, and what were people doing? fucking asking for him, you betcha.)

He huffed, (not a cigarette this time, unfortunately.)

Closing the door of the back, he seen the blue eyes stare at him joined by Stan and Eric (of course, Eric was back, so now it was like Craig was like a fourth wheel to a bunch of losers.)

"What do you want," he said, ruder than he meant, but made the affect quite clear as Kenny looked almost- what was that look? Oh, yeah, offended... yup...

Like fucking Kenny Mccormick had anything to be offended at him for...

"I came here to see you, I worked everything out."

Craig definitely wasn't going to hear the excuses, "Look, I. do. not. care. Now, go away, I'm working, and I'd rather not see the dude who used to be my best friend, abandon me for a fatass who wasn't even here."

It was spoke in one breath, and quite clear what Craig meant, Kenny's face was unreadable but Craig looked to see his hand clutched in Stan's and Eric's hands at the same time. He was so done with them.

"What's Eric have to do with this? If I didn't know any better I'd say you were jealous."

Craig was jealous... wasn't he... he tried to convince himself he wasn't but Craig cared way more about Kenny than just of friendship nature... he cared a lot, but his stance and his desire to keep stuff buried, pushed those of admit-ment dusted carefully under sarcophagus'. (he thought of Kenny at that moment, beautiful but had the layer of death that didn't feel like his.)

But, he was done showing feelings, because that didn't get him anywhere, "Go away, maybe you'll find out what's really important," his monotone voice present. 

"FINE," Kenny exclaimed in a rush, as he dragged the two boys who were shocked at this conclusion, he would forever remember the deathly look on Kenneth's face, and the disagreeable look on Stan's, and finally, the look of disappointment on Eric's, and a shake of a head.

Whether then deciding to care, Craig just went back to work, filling endless vast spaces of coffee.

* * *

Eric gasped as he lay back in the hospital bed, unsure of where he went in the first place, and was also surprised when he seen Kenny and Stan asleep in his room, Stan softly snoring, Kenny on the other hand was as quiet as he always was.

He smiled lightly, _they were so cuteee._ ~~It actually didn't bother him that they were together.~~ _wow what was happening to him, he actually liked them together, he would usually be jealous... so what was different this time._

He heard the snoring cease as Stan unwrapped his hands from Kenny's, and his whole body, as he walked fast paced to Eric and sat at the near-by chair.

"I missed you so much, Eric."

Eric smiled, "Oh, Marsh, I know you did, it's hard not to miss someone as awesome as me."

Stan chuckled as slapped Cartman a little but he winced in response.

"I'm sorry, did that bother you? I know you don't like to be touched. God, how could I be so dumb."

Eric grabbed his hand, "It hurt, but shut up, I know you didn't mean it."

Stan moved closer, Cartman also moved a little closer and their lips just joined, it was that simple. _finally something simple in Eric's life. He needed this bad. something simple but fulfilling, he needed love._ As Stan's lips hit his softly (just like the boy himself.) Eric remembered what _that_ Kenny had said to him 'i think you're ready' is this what he meant? Was he meant to give Stan a try?

 _He was sure as hell enjoying this fuck._ Stan's hands tightly in hair, Cartman's own hands wrapped tightly around Stan's waist, wanting a strong grip on him if he had second thoughts. Marsh wasn't getting away from him now. His breath was low (probably from all the shit he's been under lately.) But, that wasn't prioritah. His lips was going to be swollen in the morning, for sure.

When he finally lost breath, and fell against Stan, Stan kissed his brow "We need to wake Kenny, tell him what's going on."

"Why Kenny?"

Stan grinned from ear to ear and scratched his head a little "Me and him kinda kissed."

"Really? But why would you kiss me."

Stanley blushed "Well, me and Kenny both like you... and I want us all to be together, now how about we talk to Kenny huh?"

"Alright, but only because you want to."

Stan softly woke Kenny up, "Hey, sleepy head, Eric's awake."

That made Kenny jump up quick and look around to see Eric akwardly wave at him, for Kenneth to look confused, "you guys talked..?"

"Yes, and I think we can make all of us together work, what of you think, Cartman already accepted."

Kenny smiled and grabbed the two "I think it sounds good," as he kissed Eric's lips.

"Sweet. I can get used to this."

"I hope you guys don't mind, but I'd like to visit the coffee shop, I haven't talked to Craig in two weeks and I feel like super bad."

Stan kissed his cheek, "No, it's all good babe, let's go now." 

So, Stan and Kenny helped get Eric's clothes and coat on and escorted him sneakily out of hospital, making a direction for Stan's car to get to the coffee shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say, I fucking love this chapter, I'm not sure how many chapters are left (Craig is still bitter, poor baby 🥺.) But things are moving and I also love the idea of them in a poly relationship like damn. Also notice how Eric explained how Kenny didn't have death surrounding him but Craig said he had but it wasn't his hm 🤔


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about this chapter

He thought it was probably Saturday by now considering his mom hasn't yelled at him telling him he was late like the last couple of days. It had been that long since he had talked or acknowledged Kenny's lingering stares on him in the early hours of school until he slipped into zoning like he did when shit was boring, also his lack of concentrating. He was sitting in bed now, only ever getting up for his job and maybe eating (if lucky, one meal a day.)

His eyes were crusted with sleep dust (he was unsure of what it was called and didn't want to spend time figuring it out.) Craig only hung out with the goth kids one out of those times, and spent lunch on the bleachers of the football field, (nobody was out there during lunch so it was a perfect time for him to contemplate what he would ultimately fail to accomplish in any possible sense of direction.)

Craig lay his head on his pillow as he slowly ran into a sleep like state (he really couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not, time wasn't a thing he could process in his brain again, at least not a second time.)

It was hard for him to get sleep lately, (he has dandruff and he's up a lot trying not to itch his head, it's gotten to the point where his hair is really thin. Sometimes he cries in the shower, but it's more of a gut reaction to laugh first because it is hard to him to control his whirlwind of complicated emotions-- he wondered how other people did it but then remembered he's a fucking mess.)

He wore his hat a lot more at home after that (he customarily took a break when he got home and took off his hat but that changed due to his hair problem. Craig _hated_ feelings that came from stopping himself to itch or he could really damage his hair. He felt different, more prone to his high racing depression then before. This wasn't good for him, and he _knew_ it, but he refused to talk to people so the only thing he _could_ do was stomach the feeling of the breakdown that awaited him.)

It was the next day, (he had an alarm set for work, he worked and worked, barely gotten time to himself and he liked it because it pushed time further down his latter, perfect for him to ignore his problems.

It was around one am then (he worked till around three) when the door dinged and the dude who usually worked with him was busy (he wasn't sure what, not paying attention was his strong suit.)

The customer was Eric, (why should he be surprised.)

Cartman looked horrible, why would he be out this late anyways, wasn't he busy with Kenny.

"I'll take a coffee," the voice was barely able to float into his ears, he knew this voice anywhere, monotonous, from sleep deprivation, (that's why his voice always sounded like that.)

He pushed down the coffee button (the other person he worked with had already prepared the coffee before disappearing randomly.)

Craig handed the coffee to Cartman, in return Eric handed him the money, "Want to sit down with me, I'll buy you coffee."

Craig nodded as Eric handed him more money, and Craig poured more coffee into a cup and sat down in a booth Cartman had picked.

Eric wasn't looking at him but he looked serious, "I know you and Kenny aren't getting along but you're the only person I could even began to think would understand my problems a little bit, and I need to tell someone, I'm worrying people around me enough as it is, and I feel like you wouldn't care, and that works."

"Alright," Craig responded.

* * *

_After Damien had hugged him, things seemed to look up, even though hugging made him uncomfortable, but he pushed the distaste down because he was actually taking a liking to the guy beside him._

_Around a year went by of Damien being his roommate, the nurse not coming and hurting Eric as often but it was still present, and Cartman still didn't feel right. Damien tried best he could to make his mood better, but it was a bad attempt, he was just as about as good as Cartman at understanding feelings, maybe even worse, him living in hell for so long._

_Then, just as things were getting better for him, he even kissed Damien a few times (it wasn't a relationship, neither could stomach the thought of holding on so hard to something that could inevitably gone, Damien more so.)_

_It was more of a pleasure system, both enjoyed it immensely, and as much as Eric had hated it, he had became attached, then, one day, he was just gone._

_All the progress he had made all went to the duster and he became angrier and more inclined to get in trouble with the nurse, getting slapped and beat (the punishment's became worse and worse as time went in but it made him feel something, which is why he began doing it to himself in the first place.)_

_He deserved it after believing anyone would hold on to him more than a few, just something to give attention to, just to take away and leave in the end._

_Nothing good ever lasts in his experience and he hated it with a burning passion._

* * *

Craig straightened his posture, "Ah, I see, and you don't want Kenny and Stan to know you're having doubts, I won't tell anyone, and yes, I understand. I've been having emotional distress lately and I also have dandruff which causes more depression. I'm here if you need me no matter if I hate it, but I don't want attachments, like you said. It fails for me to and I'd rather not."

"Ok, I'm good with that, and I understand emotional distress more than anyone, staying in that hospital for two years, I can't even be touched."

Craig took a sip of his coffee "I also have problems with people touching me so the deal sounds good, we can meet early, around this time and talk about our issues without any strings."

Eric also took a sip, "That sounds fine, I need to go, but hang in there, you get me."

"Yeah, see you later, Cartman."

Cartman left after that, and Craig seemed to be doing easier now, promises of ranting without strings or attachments sounded good, no need to impress or pretend to be happy because Eric seemed to be going through the same thing he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having problems with my dandruff and i have a friend I told about this and she's understanding. My hair has gotten thinner as well, Craig was a place holder to how I've been feeling, and Eric took my other problems. My whole hating to be touched has gotten worse uh...  
> So this story has helped me and also Craig and Eric talking without any strings are good for them so. This wasn't met to be sad but it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh yeah, another chapter coming later 😭🖐️


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